Falling in love can be a magical experience. Getting swept up in the haze of love is so whimsical that it can almost feel like a fairytale. The endorphins and warm, fuzzy feelings that come with being in love can send you on a path of wanting to be around your partner nonstop. This kind of love is wonderful to experience, but it can also get a bit overwhelming if you become too intertwined with your significant other. What was once a choice to be so madly in love can begin to totally engulf you. This is where the line between independence and codependence can become blurred. Loving someone so much can very frequently lead to a loss of independence in the relationship. That may not feel like a big deal in the beginning, but it is essential to maintain your independence for your own sake and the health of your relationship. To learn why this one factor is so critical, check out these 7 reasons why independence is important in a relationship.
Independence helps create a lifelong connection
There are several different things needed to create a lifelong partnership. Aspects like communication and trust come to mind most commonly. But independence is just as important. This is because the relationship you have with yourself is the basis of all other relationships in your life. It is the connection you will have when all others come and go. If you can have a good, lasting relationship with yourself, you can have one with your partner.
Being whole makes you a better partner
Coming into a relationship without being whole is one of the biggest pitfalls many experience. When you are whole, you have a full glass to pour from. You can better support your partner and show up for them because you have enough for yourself and them. As you work on your happiness within, you can radiate that happiness and positivity to everyone around you. Your loved ones will feel the difference, and so will you. This means having the independence and solitude needed to do the work and achieve being whole.
Having separate interests makes a more interesting relationship
It may seem fun to do every literal thing with your partner. This is great for quality time spent, but you will not have the space to grow in your own comfort zone. It may seem scary to try a new hobby or activity alone. But giving yourself this challenge can show you just how strong and capable you are at holding your own.
Growing independently makes you stronger together
If you are constantly focused on the needs of someone else, you can begin to lose sight of your own. This can easily make you forget what direction you need to take for yourself, as you are constantly trying to guide your partner down their specific path. A dynamic like this can lead to less growth for each person, and begin a codependent bond that is ultimately detrimental to both people. But when you both make yourself your first priority, you build yourselves up and can each stand on your own two feet. And this only makes your union that much stronger.
Independence reduces expectations
When you lead with a lot of expectations, you ultimately set yourself up for failure. This does not mean that you should abandon your needs and standards for a relationship. This simply means that having expectations of your partner to support you in a dependent manner will constantly create a narrative of lack and disappointment. This is because no one can fully live up to all expectations created on the idea of dependency. If they are operating in self-love and independence, they have to be selfish and show up for themselves first. When both people love themselves first, they can remain open to the possibilities of the relationship and have a greater chance of experiencing happiness and satisfaction from their partner.
You are in charge of your emotional state
In order to be as happy as possible, you have to remember that you are responsible for your emotions every single day. It is no one else’s job or obligation to keep you in a positive state of mind. This may sound lonesome, but it is actually empowering if you take ownership. You have the ultimate power over you and your life, and that is the best role you can ever lean into.
Self-love is the best love
We have all heard it a million times before. But self-love truly is the best love you can ever receive. Once you really get in tune with yourself – your body, your mind, and your spirit – there will never be another person who can know you the way you do. And understanding is one of the foundations of love. Get into understanding and catering to you, and truly learning what it means to love you. What does it feel like? Once you know how to love yourself, you can truly know love for the version of language that feels most understandable for you. With this knowledge, you can love others better, and teach your partner how to love you in the ways you desire as well.